Emotional Vampire (pandoralydia) wrote in sextipsii,
Emotional Vampire

First post!

hey, how is everyone today?

I have a problem I need help with. I may just be overreacting but well.. okay here's my situation:

My relationships have basically been emotionally intense and co-dependent. I've been used and the user more times than I can count. However, the sexual relationships I've had with these users (i.e. my ex-boy/girlfriends) have been extremely passionate and gravitate more toward unhealthy BDSM relationships. With that being said, I've run into a small issue.

I recently (as in, early January) ended possibly one of my most emotionally draining and unhealthy relationships I've ever been in (and I unfortunately gave my virginity to this person). Very shortly after, I became involved (very much out of the blue and unexpectedly) with a great guy who I didn't think I'd had much in common with and frankly found slightly boring and not to my tastes or attraction. I got to know him a little better on a night out in a group and we're now dating and I'm extremely happy. He treats me like a queen and really the entire situation is just... different for me because it's new. But I'm trying to keep my relationship sabotaging (sp?) habits to a minimum because I really do like him and he makes me happy, etc. and he's healthy for me in every way.

He's not into BDSM, mind games, etc. or really anything like that (he gets claustrophobic easily although he's expressed SOME mild interest in trying some new situations like role-playing, etc. but I refuse to press the issue beyond asking about his potential interest in it because I understand not everyone is into it) but the main thing I found to be a compromise to this situation would be to at least try some "dirty" talk while we're having sex. It's definitely one of my favorite things. He hasn't given me an orgasm yet and I'm thinking it's because we haven't even been together that long. But at the same time, I've had to finish myself off in front of him twice before so I really have no problem with him watching me climax. Also, I've told him that it's something I'd really enjoy and would probably help me get there. He's shown a lot of interest when I mention it to him and I've even asked why he doesn't make ANY noise at all (literally none- not even heavy breathing) when we're having sex and he says he's too busy focusing? So I accepted that and we talked about it some more and once he's even asked me what I'd like for him to say and I couldn't really find the words or know where to begin. I don't want to write him a script or anything lol. The last few times we've had sex he's sort of taken a few steps in the right direction and even asked me afterwards how he did and I made sure to give him some positive reinforcement.. but really I'm still lost in this situation. (Last night I got drunk and just came out with a random stuttering "I don't feel any passion behind your kiss ever, you never kiss me, you're not passionate towards me, I feel no passion from you", etc. etc. etc. and he looked a little bit upset by it but we aren't the type to argue so he tried his best to appease me the rest of the night with a lot of kisses, etc.) Should I just give up or what? Maybe there's a variable or something here I'm not seeing?

Anyway, sorry for the mini novel. Hopefully someone here has some advice for me?

Thank you in advance! :o)
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